So you think being a ‘Nice Guy’ is a good thing? Hold on! This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.
A ‘Nice Guy’ is usually someone :
- Who tries to avoid conflict & confrontation at any cost.
- Seeks approval from others to maintain being the ‘nice guy’.
- Expects others to understand what he is feeling, without explicitly stating it.
- Chases validation from others in any form.
As an example, it’s the guy who works super hard at his job & expects he’ll get a raise for it, but instead – the other guy who doesn’t work as hard gets the raise instead, since he explicitly asked for it.
The nice guy in this situation assumes that if he asks for a raise, he’ll be disliked or frowned upon. Hence, he avoids confrontation & assumes that he should get a raise.
Another example would be not confronting his feelings for another woman, in the fear of being rejected or been seen as needy.
In both the examples above. The ‘nice guy’ avoids any conflict, expects others to magically understand his feelings & maintains his ‘nice guy’ image.
There are a few reasons why someone would turn into a nice guy. But I want to write a separate post for it, more on that later!
The only way you can stop being the nice guy is if you:
- Actively practice being assertive.
- Convey exactly how you feel without caring about the consequences.
- In situations where you feel like you should probably say NO or object, do that. Start saying NO & start standing up for yourself.
- Stop seeking validation at every step. A simple example of this is seeking validation on social media & posting what you think is appropriate for you to post, rather than actually putting out stuff you would want without caring about what others think.
Nice guys try to be people pleasers. Instead of being assertive, they tend to be passive. If you could relate to any of these points, it’s best to stop being nice & start being assertive.
If you think you’re working too much & you deserve a raise, go on & ask for it. If you have a crush on someone, approach them. If you think you’re being treated unfairly, confront it! Stop expecting things to work out just because you’re a ‘nice guy’. Be precise in your speech & start actively pursuing your thoughts.
“Life is not about getting everyone to approve of you and avoiding all conflict and friction and keeping everything smooth. That’s a coward’s life… You are not meant for that life.” – Dr. Aziz Gazipura, The Art of Extraordinary Confidence